you know how i always say that when i am having a difficult time, or feeling depressed, the best thing for me to do is to go out to my shop and work? well, for some reason this time it’s not working. it’s really awful. my one solace isn’t there for me this time. in fact, it only is making things worse. the absence of relief really magnifies the hole. does that make sense? i can’t seem to get past this. i can’t get out of my head. i am hoping that my upcoming trip (back to santa fe for the felice brothers, then on to the coachella festival for MANY really wonderful bands, including the felice brothers) will help me to break out of it, to forgive myself, to forgive others, to get things in perspective, to move on. live music and travel have also always been powerful healing balms for me.
today i completed only one piece. i spent most of the day fiddling with some new riveted designs. if i get them to work the way that i hope they will, i will share them with you soon. but in the meantime, there’s this:
the “growth hurts” ring,
with a brilliant deep green, pavilion cut chrysoprase
this ring was very therapeutic for me, the cutting out, filing and buffing of all of the little leaves was quite zen.
right? ultimately, that is what is happening here. i am having some serious growing pains and they will pass, and i will find myself in a new place, with new knowledge gleaned from this experience that will help me in the future. that is what it’s all about.
the stone is magnificent.
doing what you know is right is hard. it hurts.
the painless, easy way is usually not the right way.
but stay your course, my friend. stay true.
you will find the peace that you so deserve.
also, the wonderful erin sent me this poem and i am in love with it. i thought i’d share it with you.
Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting–
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
© Mary Oliver
