so i would like to share something very sweet with you. remember i told you how glenn was planning all sorts of backpacking trips? well, this weekend was one of them. he was supposed to leave today and come back sunday night. so i lined up a babysitter for this afternoon/ evening so that i could go for a hike. well, glenn came home from work yesterday and said that he would rather stay home tonight and have a date and leave for his trip tomorrow morning. now that might not seem like a very big deal to you, but it was to me. so dear. glenn loves backpacking as much as i love my little music road trips.
so we went for an awesome bike ride and out to dinner. we live in a fabulous place for bike riding. i am a very amateur mountain biker, but i love it.
the trail we were on today was so fun. parts of it were easy, like in this picture. but other parts of it made me feel like a kid on a bmx track, windy turns and short, steep ups and downs; i had a blast.
biking is so different from cross-country skiing, and you know how i feel about skiing. where skiing is relaxing and meditative, biking is on-your-toes and even a bit stressful. you really have to focus on what you’re doing, to be in the moment, facing the challenges as they come. you can’t really let your mind wander much. it’s a very different experience for me and i am really enjoying it.
after our ride we went out for a great dinner at a local sushi spot, stonefish. delicious!
i am so lucky to have such a great man in my life,
who loves me and supports me and appreciates me.
one more thing i’d like to share with you. remember how i said i have been going back and reading a lot of my old books? well i just found another box of old books in my barn. so i have been reading herman hesses’s narcissus and goldmund. do you know it? it is so wonderful! and, as i was saying before, it is an entirely different experience reading it now as opposed to then. among other things, the book addresses several issues of dichotomy. i’m not quite finished with it yet this time around but parts of it have really struck me.
at the beginning he’s talking about the differences between a scientist and an artist. (glenn is a scientist; i am an artist.) he says “…natures of your kind, with strong delicate senses, the soul-oriented, the dreamers, poets, lovers are almost always superior to us creatures of the mind. you take your being from your mothers. you live fully; you were endowed with the strength of love, the ability to feel… yours is the plentitude of life, the sap of the fruit, the garden of passion, the beautiful landscape of art. your home is the earth; ours is the world of ideas…” i just love that. i’ve been desperately trying lately to embrace my life, my self, all the good and the bad. and i think this is such a good way to describe the way that i am.
later, again talking about the life of an artist, he says “quite a number of people are able to feel the beauty of the world profoundly and vastly, and to carry high, noble images in their souls, but they are unable to exteriorize them for the enjoyment of others, to communicate them.” that made me feel so grateful for my medium, for silver and stone, for jewelry. that is just what i try to do, to “exteriorize the noble images of my soul”, my authentic self. i am so grateful.
and one other thing (now i am rambling). goldmund is struggling with the dichotomy of a wanderer’s life vs. a settled life. he wants to settle down, to have a workshop and a place to create, but recognizes that most of his inspiration, his zest, his ideas comes from traveling. he is wondering how to be settled but still be inspired. “…to create, without sacrificing one’s senses for it. to live, without renouncing the nobility of creating. was that possible? … perhaps there were people for which this was possible. perhaps there were husbands and heads of families who did not lose their sensuality by being faithful. perhaps there were people who, though settled, did not have hearts dried up by lack of freedom and lack of risk. perhaps. he had never met one.” again, this made me feel grateful. grateful for the opportunities that i have to travel and to see music, and to bring those experiences back to my “settled” life. yes, my wanderings are truncated, abridged versions of what they would be if i was not settled down, married, a mother. but i would never sacrifice that either. i am so very delighted that i’ve found a way to incorporate my “old self” into my current life. i think that it will make all the difference in my happiness and well-being in the long run.
wow. okay. go hermann hesse. good night!
